Ironically, I opened Unsplash after writing this to find a picture for this writing…. I opened to this picture staring at me. A picture I’d downloaded years ago that I loved so dearly for its beauty. And oddly… it fits. It fits this writing so perfectly… “Goodbye, my free bird. Goodbye, my love.”
I had so much hope… For us, for me.
Now I see you from a screen with our broken dreams only for me to feel.
I’ve tried to swallow my hurt, my sadness, my jealousy, my hope, my countless feelings including still love… But I can’t. I must feel them tonight. Now from this cage because this is all that can be….
But still, I have hope. And why?! Whyyy…
If only it could not be…
But, I now feel it deteriorating me.
And so, I wonder… Is it worth it?
From this cage… This screen. This so little of a being. For us, for me. For what may and what was.
This. This is not anything. It’s weak. It’s pitiful and sad.
For what was, was beautiful and open and free, but this…. This is now from a cage. A cage that I’m now keeping for us.
And should it be….. I think… I think… I think… I think….. Well, it’s….something…
What shall I do?… Let you go.
I did… I came back. And back and back and back. To this cage… For me, for us. I had hope. I had hope….I had hope. Time after Time, I’ve returned. To this cage, this screen. This pitiful cell of what is left.
Should I? I probably shouldn’t, yet I wonder…. Am I in the cage with you!?!
Maybe we both need life to kick us, and this cage to make us realize what once was or shall ever be for us or anyone…..shall not come to this.
Is it a lesson!?
Don’t give up on what is free, open, and beautiful… For if you do, you then chase it again and again even from this cage. But, the question is… Is it truly this anymore!? From this cage….. I think not.
It’s no longer anything from this screen, but images from this cage of what once was and hopes that aren’t worth it when one won’t see that you come back and back to this cage and you will not let me have one glimpse inside. Inside of you. Nor respect what was.
Keep you in this cage, you come back to.
It’s both of us. We do this. And we must stop.
Move on, my free bird. Move on.
For we danced, as free birds… And we shall move on, as free birds. The cage is open. Wide-open… Move on.
Move on, my love bird… My free, beautiful love. Move on. I set you free…..
Wait, is that…. me?!?!
Well, my love birds….be free. Let it be.
Move on. If it can’t be here in this cage, it must be out there. Free. Both of us.
For both of us must go. That’s how we came, this is how we go.